I almost forgot to post this...The Ossington (61 Ossington) asked me back and it was organised last minute so that I could play my X Mas records, yayyyyyyy!I just bought two new ones: The Rotary Connection (psych-soul) and Spinal Tap!
Tuesday, Dec 13th, 9 PM. My fave vid store Eyesore Cinema is donating prizes: if you bring some non-perishables for the food bank you increase your likelihood of winning...
As well The Canadian Romantic will be appearing for his Midnite Candlelight recitation. Oh, and here's his new video:
Just as I was about to go on meds, I feel like I have turned a page recently. May it continue. Strange these feelings when even confidence is being restored. Oh, those pendulum swings of ego manifestations from self-grandeur to self-pity. Numerous baseball bat hits to its' kneecaps the last couple of months, some of which have been detailed, some of which I won't...In terms of female relations, I've often feel like saying lately, "I deserve far better than this. I do not deserve to be treated this way. In fact, no one should be treated this way." I made rules the previous week of no asking girls out, keeping away, they have to come to me for I do not want to be hurt anymore. I have too much to offer for that kind of run-around. Rules break, eye contact is made, I have an amourous character, is this wise?
However, I may just be crazy, deluded. With hopeful growth. My name is Jesus Christ and I will fuck you, skip the martyrdom.
Part of my pain is that I have had mountains and lost them. When an ex (who looks like a red-headed Caroline Munro but better: by the way, people have all this celeb lust and there are people just walking down the street who look far better, dress better and are probably way more interesting than most celebs) that deep love and laughs were shared with, bringing out each other's good qualities, well, of course I will feel deep loss. Mind you, with the previous ex I wondered if I'd date again and it got better (with a former child actress rebound on E thrown in-between of course). So deep pain from what I've had (gone to never return), more gratitude of what I've had, the life I've lived, what I have, the gifts I've been given.
I'm doing okay. My current vibe: fuck it.
I don't care about my needs! I'm simply more into delivering the goods to others right now. And if they reject it then, well, it just wasn't right or it is their loss, not mine.
Who knows what is to come?
I'd been pretty depressed, sad, and lonely, so encountering other folks who are in a bit of that same boat who say, "Those new vids made me less depressed, etcetera" makes me realise what I have to do and why I have to do it. If I can get it to more folks, even better. Of course, if I can also make people less lonely and depressed by using my other gift (my large penis) then even better.
I don't really need to exist in my own head all the time, thank you very much.
Sure hope this feeling lasts.
Hey, here's something, I went to a party yesterday for a charity. It was filled with people that went through unimaginable horrors and had to escape to Canada. They were laughing and had dignity.
Cherish your day.