Sunday, February 21, 2010
Fucking sinuses. Head fucking hurts. Can't think straight. Fucking sinus pain. Tried sleeping but neighbour was talking. Head compromises my ability to convey but I'll do my best. Fuck!
I had sinus operation a coupla years or so like three ago. Weird asshole doc didn't tell me nothing. No bedside manner, uncommunicative prick. I thought I'd waltz in and out of there, all la di da-like. He drilled into my skull. Dazed. Deviated septum which is the excuse the Hollywood people use but this was real, nose bent out of shape from being pushed down by the redheaded girl when I was 7 y.o., I called her a cockroach, pushed me down to the ground, I lay in a puddle of my own little boy blood, she felt bad later probably, when she was 13 she got pregnant, 13 man, couldn't have had an easy life, whatever happened to her?, I was 7 in the hospital with my nose broken and I pulled out the long pile of thread which couldn't have helped my later sinus problems, later I'd pick at my nose a lot and it'd bleed, a mattress that looked like alien maps, my Mom would take me to get my nose cauderised (sic) to resolve the issue. They'd burn at the nostrils, close em up deep inside.
This more recent sinus operation with Doctor Prick? Piece of cake, right? My Mother was praying. My close pals Hamm and Mrs. Hamm picked me up from hospital ensured I'd be okay. Dazed. Then that woman I love, she's the ex now, she saw me in pain, that sweet redhead. Dripping sinus pain on her after operation and we'd only recently met then, test of a woman. Couldn't do nothing. But it helped the pain, her, the operation, I was no longer suicidal. My sinus pain used to get so bad that the physical pressure caused mental pressure: it was all LITERALLY in my head and I couldn't escape! The world looked worse to me, everything was worse than it was, dingy, ugly, listless, no use living when I had that pain or when I had those infections but after the operation everything mellowed. I still get pain.
Allergy shots, they help a bit over the long term apparently. So says the specialist who is special. The shots will help sinuses adjust to environmental changes. Sinuses are pockets of air in the skull that can be sensitive to pressure. The cold can be nasty on my sinuses. I first suspected barometric sensitivity ten years ago when I briefly dated a woman, not a redhead, who took me hitchhiking then took me plain ole vanilla hiking four hours up a mountain. We fucked at the top of the mountain. The top of the mountain! But I was listless. Why? Change in air pressure affecting sinuses caused me to be that way. I found it rather peculiar feeling like this, being at the top should be exhilirating! Alas, air pressure defeated me.
I'm in some pain now, not like before tho. Put all projects on hold. I hope it goes away soon as it hinders life enjoyment and being totally mortal I must squeeze as much fullness as possible out of life.
Hamm took this pic after my operation, I had three feet of gauze up each nostril.